The version of this portfolio you are viewing is like my fifth iteration (I think? I lost count.)
Ask any of my designer friends and they’ll tell you how indecisive I get when it comes to building my portfolio. Part of the reason is that a portfolio feels like a reflection of yourself — but one that’s acutely aware of its conditions: the judgment of others, and the need to stay authentic.
To make things worse, I’m sometimes too easily swayed by whatever feels “trending” in the design world. Seeing what others create is always inspiring, but usually people have such specific reasons for making something in a specific way. That line of reasoning can’t be faked or replicated — you can borrow the inspiration, but not the years that built the instinct behind it.
Instinct is an interesting thing to me. Recently, someone told me, “You wouldn’t be where you are if you didn’t follow your instinct.” Reflecting on that, I realized doing what felt right has actually gotten me far — it’s opened up opportunities and made me more knowledgeable along the way.
Following my instinct also keeps me in tune with myself and my choices. I’m not forcing anything, and doing something because I love it changes how I approach it entirely. It makes me more enthusiastic and curious, but also more critical and hungry to grow.
I think that accurately describes my relationship with designing. I feel like I had a billion versions of this stupid website, but each one felt uniquely mine and gave me a better sense of what I didn’t like, asked me to reflect on what I value, and want to show. Also it showed me that the reps you put in make it worthwhile in the end.
Portfolios for me are not just a one and done, but are now something I tie deeply with self-reflection, being in tune, and also asking myself, why. It almost feels like a very intimate conversation with myself regarding who I was, am, and want to be.
Instinct helps this thought exercise by acting like a filter — it’s what tells me when something’s actually mine versus something I just picked up just because. So, here’s to finally publishing this portfolio -- I hope this is the worst version you’ll see going forward :]